Pal-a-din

I.

A leading champion of a cause

Like a stallion made of brick and mortar

This is how ridiculous I feel

When as Attwood described it,

There can also be high ideals regarding fairness, affecting interactions and games with peers, who have a more flexible and egocentric view of the rules.

II.

When John and I played World of Warcraft
he rolled a druid and hunter
and I transformed into a priest and mage

now not only equal
but stronger than many of my peers
from a childhood career of gaming as the autistic computer nerd

but then Ryan and I played World of Warcraft
and he rolled a paladin and shaman
while I fumbled around in an old priest avatar that felt hollow

not a bad hollow, necessarily
but definitely

the kind of hollow feeling you get
when you realize life is not temporarily on hard mode

this is just the mode
that life is
and you are part of it

the kind of mode
Jim Carrey might’ve experienced,

and now Chase and I play Secret of Mana, Mario Kart, Yoshi’s Woolly World, and my sister and I plan to meet in Final Fantasy XVI cyberspace; yet still I remember the two years of waking hours I spent in Azeroth, where I felt more empowered
albeit more disillusioned and disenchanted
than any gray fantasy I’ve experienced
in the sentience of my female,
volatile, and unstable
Base Reality life

 

@3:90—The difference between depression and sadness:

sadness is just from happenstance, whatever happened or didn’t happen to you, grief or whatever it is;

depression is your body saying, Fuck you, I don’t want to be this character anymore. I don’t want to be this avatar you created for me. You should think of depression as deep rest, deep rest. Your body needs deep rest from the character you’ve been playing.

 


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